Although I have worked a bit on the punctuation I need to put in more work there. It is a weakness and I'll read it aloud in front of a mirror to see if I can perfect it.
Points I tried to address:
- Relevance of the title to the story
- Kitchen aromas
- Address tense changes
- Introducing Matt
- Simplifying the language
- Correct the spelling
Feral Utes and Borrowed Boots 1495 words
The
wheel wrenched in her hands, and Sarah felt the front of the Toyota dip. Metal
screeched against the road, and she caught a glimpse of the front wheel
spearing off into the grass. A battle for control began as Jake’s old work truck
slewed onto the verge. A tap of the brakes and then a desperate pump of the
pedal did nothing, it went to the floor. The handbrake didn’t work, but she
tugged on it anyway. Jake had tormented her from when they married until he
moved out six months ago, and today she’d hoped for a new start without him. Yet
it seemed he controlled her again. Would she never be free?
It
wasn’t her first choice to drive to the other side of the city to work, but all
other job applications had failed. Now with a rusted out old bomb collapsed on
the side of the road, she had missed this opportunity too. Did he have to take
everything? Her car, her phone, her money, her dignity. Pride would not allow
her to ask her parents for help; ‘he’s no good.’ they’d told her when she ran
off with him five years ago.
Cars
swept past, no one stopped to help. A carload of louts hung out the windows and
jeered, laughing at her as they flew past. She was late, and without a phone
she couldn’t let work know she’d broken down. The highway roared with traffic,
and when trucks flashed by the pressure of their slipstreams almost blew her
over. Flagging them down had no effect. It started to rain and she decided to wait
in the car until it stopped.
The
drizzle eased, and she tried again. Two B-double semi trailers buzzed past nose
to tail. Their wheels whipped slush into a fine mist and drenched her. Spotting
her reflection in the glass, Sarah broke down. Her borrowed suit looked ruined,
and her hair a mess. Clay had stuck to the heels of her boots. She tried to
remove it by rubbing them together, but it only smeared. She yanked the door
open, slumped into the seat, and slammed the door. What could she do? Sarah
rested her head and arms on the steering wheel, and her energy drained away.
Where was Prince Charming when she needed him? Sarah drifted into misery.
The
wheel thumped onto the tray, she heard the sound, but it didn’t register.
‘Hello
Miss.’ it was a male voice. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Not
really, I’ve got a bit of car trouble.' She said, turning to see where it was
coming from.
‘Yeah,
I can see that. I was working the tractor at the other end of the field, when I
saw you stopped here. I thought you couldn’t have had a phone when you out in
the rain. Name’s Matt by the way.’
‘My
first day at work, but it’s gone now.’ She said. ‘Sorry, hello Matt, I’m
Sarah.’
‘Do
you want to call them?’ He held out his phone.
‘No
thanks, it’s gone. All I had to do was get there on time.’
‘I’ve
given my mate Robbo a call, one of his blokes will come out and get this lot off
the road.’ He pointed to the buildings about a mile away. ‘My wife and I live
in the house over there, I’ve just called her. She said you should come up and
dry off in the kitchen. Maybe you can call someone, or if you want to wait
until she does the school run, Ally can drive to wherever you want to go.’
‘Thanks’.
Sarah said. Prince Charming he might be, but not hers. He had a wife and kids
too, but she was glad for his offer.
The
farmhouse was warm and homey. With the introductions over Matt kissed Ally and went
back to the tractor.
‘Here’s
a couple of towels. Bathroom’s the third door on your right. If you pass me
your jacket, I’ll give it a brush and hang over the chair by the fire.’
‘Thanks.
I thought I’d be stuck there for hours, either that or I’d have to try and walk
back to town.’
‘Not
easy in those heels.’
‘No,
and I don’t know how I’m going to tell Jo about her suit, I borrowed this
outfit for the job.’
‘Go
and get yourself cleaned up and I’ll put some coffee on. Anyway, what type of
job was it?’ Ally asked.
‘Oh,
bookkeeper in Richmond, but it’s history now.’
Sarah
looked at the woman in the mirror and wondered if she’d ever see her smile
again. The warm water felt good, and she held her hands in the bowl soaking up the
heat. The bathroom was bright and airy. Toys littered the shelf around the bath
and the home had a welcoming feel. She could sense that Matt and Ally had made
the place special, and she envied their position.
Sarah
combed her hair with her fingers and did her best to tidy it. ‘It’ll have to
do.’ She smoothed her skirt, and followed the aroma of coffee and warm scones
back to the kitchen.
‘You
look better.’ Ally smiled and motioned for Sarah to sit at the bench. ‘Do you
mind? I have to get this stew on for dinner. Not very adventurous cooking, but
it’s what Matt likes, and the kids will eat it too.’
‘You’re
very kind, thanks.’ Steam rose from the cups on the counter. Sarah looked over
the rim of her coffee to the coloured heaps of chopped vegetables. She couldn’t
remember the last time she’d cooked for more than one.
‘Not
at all, I’m glad of the company. With all the jobs around the farm, I find it
hard to get out, other than seeing some of the parents at school. Oh, and I see
our friends at football on the weekends. But some girl company during the week
is good.’
A
friendship seeded, and the day disappeared. At 2.30 they were in Ally’s four
wheel drive and heading into town to pick up the children from school.
‘What
are you going to do now? Ally asked.
‘I
don’t know, this job was it, and now it’s gone. I’ll go back into the grinder
again I guess and try to find something again.’
‘Like
what?’
‘I
don’t know.’ Sarah said. ‘You know I used to be so confident, I ran the office in
my family’s crash repairs where I worked until we got married. We moved here
and everything went wrong. I thought I was marrying the man of my dreams. I never
expected it to be a nightmare. This is probably for the best, I don’t think I
could work inside a glass box in the city anyway.’
Ally
said nothing more about the job. Too soon they were in the Industrial area and parked
in front of Robbo’s workshop.
‘I’ll
go in and get him. His place is full of girly calendars and blokes with one
track minds. You don’t have to put up with anymore of that kind of grief today?’
An
age passed as she sat there, and occasionally she noticed a heavy thumb and
forefinger prise the venetian blinds apart. It unsettled her, and Sarah knew
they had to be talking about her, about how hopeless she was.
Ally
and a man in his thirties emerged from the darkness. His hands slapped at the dust
on the front of his jeans, and his tee shirt showed that he worked out. It was
strange, but he was the only bloke who worked in a panel shop she’d ever seen
with polished work boots. His neatly cropped hair was dark, and she thought he looked
a bit like Hugh Jackman in the face. He was unlike any of the panel beaters
she’d ever met before, and Sarah slid out of her seat to meet him.
‘Hello
I’m Robbo, Ally’s brother.’ He said extending his right hand, she took it. His grip
was firm and warm, and yet his touch was gentle. ‘I can’t do much with your car
today, in fact it’s probably better off going to the wreckers, for what you’d
spend on fixing it.’
‘That
good eh?’
‘Sorry.’
He screwed his face up, and then smiled. ‘Ally tells me you’re a bookkeeper.’
Sarah
liked the way his nose wrinkled at the bridge when he grinned. ‘Yeah, but what’s
that got to do with fixing my car? Are you offering me a job?’
‘Maybe,
I’m up to my ears in it. Bookkeeping I mean, and I’ve been looking for someone
to manage it for a while now. I just haven’t advertised. Anyway, could you be tempted?
Sarah
twisted a length of hair around her fingers and smiled. ‘When can I start?’
‘I’m about to go home, I can drop you off now and pick
you up at seven thirty tomorrow morning. Do we have a deal?’
Sarah put her hand out, he took it. ‘Deal.’
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